I spent/wasted more time trying to find black jeans. This I believe is an impossible dream as EVERYTHING is now skinny, straight, slim, or God forbid super-skinny or ultra skinny – which begs me to wonder what evil bastard thought this grand scheme up? Not only can I not get my calf into knee-high boots but now I can’t get most jeans over them either. And wanna know how to make someone who is 5’3″ look shorter? Stuff her into skinny and/or straight jeans. The stranger that is the saleswoman will even chime in with your thoughts and say something along the lines of ‘ oh, honey – those make you look very short’. HOW IS THIS POSSIBLE? Is there magic in these jeans?
The confidence and stature shrinking jeans, found at a store near you.
I don’t think I am going to find black bootcut jeans. Or any bootcut really…since the only ones I could find were skinny bootcut – I didn’t even try to try them on. I couldn’t.
My shopping venture did lead me to now understand the immense popularity of leggings. Unless you are twelve, a man with chicken legs, or a woman that is blessed with the genes that the fashion designers are dressing these days…you are forced to wear leggings or jeggings if the urge strikes …. because that is the only other option. My gosh, if you weren’t around to stock up on the bootcut jeans from 7 years ago – what are you wearing? Jeggings. Shut. Up.
OK. Well, after a few moments of gut aching laughing inside the dressing room with one leg stuck in a pair of jeans pulled up to my knee-ish area and me hopping around on the other leg while simultaneously holding onto the wall trying to pull/peel the jeans off…I was beginning to sweat, my sanity was being questioned by myself and the saleswoman, and I was striking up quite the hunger. Fighting your way in and out of jeans is a total body workout.
My feet were even too wide for some of the leg openings. COME ON!
And while you might think that when your calves don’t fit into jeans perhaps it is time to start dieting or fasting or at least googling how to decrease calf size – the answer is to stop working out – get out of town, people! – … good one! Not gonna happen…Instead, I took a look in the mirror, realized I have worked damn hard with what the Lord has given me, and started planning dinner. I come by these legs honestly – running and lunges, baby. Running and lunges.
Rather than plodding my way to the next store for further body confidence testing, I made a u-turn. Stopped at Barnes and Noble, bought two maps of Ireland and an americano with room to which I happily added half and half and headed to Trader Joe’s – aka the land of pumpkin spice … but I’ll take pumpkin spice flavored potato chips over skinny jeans EVERY SINGLE DAY.
I have been testing out a sauce to drizzle over butternut squash that has been coated in a sweet spice mixture of cardamom and a homemade allspice mix and roasted until fork tender. I started out with a tahini yogurt sauce which didn’t make my tastebuds dance ( not even a gentle sway) but rather led me to scraping off the sauce to salvage the roasted half moons.
Round two, remove tahini. Add cilantro and onion and a pinch of cardamom. Keep the lime. WINNER WINNER CHICKEN DINNER. Well, I had it along side cracker crumb breaded pork chops. Same difference.
I will be making this throughout fall for all the squash that will be roasted in my kitchen and dolloped in squash soups that will undoubtedly be simmered on my stove…because what else can one do with squash? Roast and puree. Puree and roast.
Go and have a good day!
- 1 medium butternut squash
- 4 tablespoons olive oil
- 1/2 teaspoon ground cinnamon
- 1/2 teaspoon ground clove
- pinch of ground nutmeg
- 1 tablespoon ground cardamom
- salt and pepper
- Cilantro Lime Dressing
- 1 cup sour cream or greek yogurt
- 1/2 small onion, finely diced
- 1 cup cilantro leaves, roughly chopped
- pinch of cardamom
- juice of 1/2 lime
- salt and pepper to taste
- water ( as needed to thin dressing)
- whole cilantro leaves for garnish
- Preheat oven to 400F.
- Using a sharp knife, cut butternut squash lengthwise into two halves. Scrape out the seeds with a spoon and discard. With cut side down on a cutting board, cut squash into half moons, about 1/2 – 3/4th inch thickness – consistency is important more so than actual measurement for even cooking time. Lay squash slices in an even layer on a baking sheet.
- In a small bowl, whisk together olive oil, cinnamon, clove, nutmeg, and cardamom. Using a pastry brush, evenly brush spice mixture onto squash slices. Sprinkle with salt and pepper and place in preheated oven. Roast for about 15 minutes until fork tender.
- While squash is roasting, prepare dressing.
- In a medium sized bowl, whisk together sour cream, onion, cilantro, cardamom, and lime juice. Taste and season with salt and pepper. The dressing should be thin enough to pour, add water by the teaspoon until this consistency is reached.
- Transfer roasted squash onto a serving platter or leave on baking sheet. Drizzle with dressing and scatter extra cilantro leaves and slices of lime (optional). Serve.